Dying is a scaring process. One I feared since I understand what is Death. And I fear death to the extend that I won't go to funeral. (Not even my relatives). Lucky to say I don't have a lot of relatives who died.
The first funeral I attended is MiMi's father. I was still in the Uni, year 4 if I am not wrong. It was a Christian funeral so it wasn't as scary as the buddist or taoist kind whom remind me of the Chinese Vampire show which is quite popular is my era.
The second funeral is my own Grandmother, she died of Lung Cancer (due to heavy smoking). She was in the Hospice for a long time before she finally passed away. It was sad as she was the only grandparent I am somewhat close to. Following her, there wasn't as close relatives.
Third funeral, if I am not wrong start of last year. Funeral of MiMi's best friend in Secondary school.
Ok I haven't and definitely not keen to go funeral still, 3 in my life is considered a lot.
I worked in healthcare industry and death is a common thing. I wondered why am I in this, I hated death, even death of patients I didn't know. It's sad, very sad. The amount of emotions that flooded the place is really beyond my ability to handle. But I am blessed that so far, I only see 2 deaths in my time at work. (As in dying in front of me)
Ok, coming back to myself. Death is a certainty that comes with Living (some will not agree). Even those who belief in eternal life, I think dying is a process to get there, I know in bible some have the blessing of not going through that but it is really numbered.
Do I fear death now, yes I do. I fear death more for my loves one then myself although I definitely don't want to die but I don't mind as much as when I am younger. I somehow accepted death. But I do hope God is graceful and let me die in my sleep painlessly. Thats one of the best blessing I could ever ask for.
Not really a good idea to talk about death early in the day. Let's talk about something lighter.
With Death it comes Living. Living is not easy as well. By living, I mean going through life process which grows us. Meaning it is a painful process (growing pains). By going through pain, we grew stronger, learn to put on armour and strengthen our will for the next battle. Even love is a pain. When you love, you opened up your most vulnerable part (your heart) to the person. By doing so, you put yourself at risk for a lot of pain. But is it worth it, damn it is definitely worth it. That is the reason why we live man, to love. Finding one who can share the love together is not easy. Even when you find it, you never know when you will lose it. Love is a funny thing, it is a choice, but it is a choice of the heart. Hurt it enough and it can run and turn too. Something I come to realise, and to someone like me who believe I can control all aspect of myself. I suddenly realise it is beyond my control. Scary.
Ok it's getting too long so I will stop here.
Cheers,
MoMo
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