2011 is coming to a close. This is a troubled year for me since the beginning of the year.
It started of with me chasing after my 'impossible' dream. No one supporting me at all. All had suddenly become my enemy. Even if they are not my enemy, I will have a hard time facing them again. Yet not even my closest understand me.
I know I have been selfish, but life is short. Is it so wrong to chase a dream. Yes apparently. I lost a lot this year. From my love, my aspiration for my reservist to my mind.
June is the start of the big plunge, dropping into deep darkness and it didn't stop there, it drop further and further with 2 more low before turning upward towards baseline. After struggling for last few months, i am finally going to reach my baseline. Not yet but its within sight.
The surprising thing is that i had help from the most unexpected. My best friend loy and new found friends at workplace. They somehow helped me tide through the darkness by keeping me busy with birthday celebration 1 after another.
Am I happy now. Yes and no. Yes because I found some new goals and direction (My beloved cannot accept me, so I found another who accepted me).
No because I lost a lot during this year. So much so that I fear to even count the losses. Losses are inevitable in the path I chose. Stories from all over the world talked about their losses because of their pursue, what makes my story any different. Because I believe my first love will learn to accept me over the past 7 years. No way, her principles are too unbending, like she said, she is a bull and only know how to charge in one direction. I wouldn't want to force her to accept me, what for. There won't be any happiness (i just realise she is so bitter about so many things I said throughout the 7 years). She cares so much about the said words and not the person (at least not enough to forgive and forget the words).
Whatever it is, 2011 is ending, I think it is time for me to let go of any hope I had with her.
Cheers,
Momo
Last entry of 2011...
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